MockTale

Articles, Stories and blogs talking about health and happiness

I’m sure everyone who has worked in the restaurant industry has heard a handful of times from their management, to leave their outside life at the door.

Yes, in this industry it is very difficult to have a “bad day” and go be outgoing and happy to every guest they talk to. Unfortunately, customers don’t care about how you feel, or what’s going on in your life, you need to buckle down, put a smile on and act like everything is amazing.

Not only is this expectation coming from your customers, but definitely pushed from your management. If you have an “off day” and make a couple mistakes while your smile isn’t as big as normal, you can be worried that you will get pulled aside from management, telling you to stop fucking up and put a bigger smile on.

Not only is this hard, but the most difficult part is trying to talk to a manager about your mental health and well being. Restaurants are so tight on staff, that flexibility can be an issue. At least this is the current case in Vancouver. With so many new restaurants opening up, they are finding it hard to find and keep good employees and most staff are pushed to work overtime or more than 5 shifts a week, to make up for it. With money being the true addiction, employees find it hard to say no, but in turn this affects their mental and physical health.

Quite often, if an employee goes to a management and explains they are not doing well with their mental health and need to take time off. Management will think that they are undependable, which can hugely affect their upcoming schedule and section, which will in turn affect their wage and tips. You can see how this can snowball and how the pressure to be always on point can make someone worried to ask for help or time away.

It is time for restaurants to take responsibility and acknowledge the mental health issues and over worked employees.

Treating your staff with proper respect and scheduling what is legally acceptable, will create that work life balance and allow your employees to not burn out and work harder while they are there.

For everyone else, please understand that your server is human and can have a bad day from time to time. Unlike a lot of other industries, they are not able to work a “half day” or go home. You never know what they’re going through, and although yes, their job is to make you have a great evening and enjoy your dinner, from time to time it may be a little harder than normal for them to make that smile extra big. You’d be amazed how many times I went to work having a bad day and then had that one table that was so friendly, nice and understanding, that made me remember why I did love serving people.

Let’s all remember that we are all human and all just want to be accepted, understood and appreciated.

Since I’ve made the big life adjustments, my days have been pretty up and down. Most days I’m feeling awesome and excited that I’m on a brand new path of dedication to myself. But I’ve definitely suffered from the massive pay cut and loss of friends from my old industry. But I’ve dedicated my time and money to do what is best for me, to help me stay healthy, positive and grow.

I think a lot of time we get too comfortable with what we have work wise, health wise and personal growth wise. Our bodies naturally want to be as lazy as possible. From our gut adapting how to process what we eat, to our emotional shifts during our daily stresses. We find the simple ways to keep moving forward. Yes its forward, but we shouldn’t we be going forward and up.

For example, say during the day someone cuts in front of you at the Starbucks line. Instantly, your body tightens and you hold your breathe, while you feel that irritation and anxiety build. Take a moment, realize what your body is doing and think to yourself, why? Why do I instantly react this way? Take a breathe, realize its not the end of the world and if you really must, say something politely.

Those little moments of recognition, over time, will allow you to lower those stress levels and re-train your body to not react in such emotional and drastic ways.

You can teach yourself this whenever you feel a sudden change of emotions, positive or negative. These simple quick stops of questioning why and how, will really help you learn more about your triggers and what you can do to calm them down. You’ll be surprised as how much you learn about yourself and how much this small little adjustments help with your overall health.

Now lets talk about the ways to help you, money wise.

Sure going out for a nice dinner, night out for drinks or socializing with the crew will help you feel great during those experiences, but you need to also focus on growth for the long run. Much like going to the doctor or dentist for a check up, we need to make sure everything upstairs is working fine and smoothly, as well.

Maybe hold back one night of dining out and use that money on a naturopathic appointment. You’d be amazing how much, what you put in to you, affects not only your physical appearance, but your mind and energy. Maybe go for an RMT massage, to help alleviate that stress that seems to build up between your shoulder blades, whenever you have work deadlines coming up. Maybe go to talk to a Counsellor, even if you feel you have nothing bothering you. Talking to someone outside of your circle really helps you understand your situations, and even helps you appreciate just how strong you are.

I recently had my Osteopath (who is a whole other article, I HIGHLY recommend seeing one) tell me I was “An amazing woman”, and just that reassurance from someone outside of my regular life, really made me appreciate myself and all the hard work I have put into making my life happier and better.

I’ve never once been upset that I spent my money on bettering my health, but I definitely can say I have after splurging on a fancy dinner.

Take a minute and priorities what you need to do to fully be the best version of yourself you can be. You have the ability to reach out and use these amazing services, so take advantage and learn as much as you can about yourself. You two hang out the most, might as well get comfortable.

Some Vancouver places I recommend you check out:

QI Integrated Health – Osteopathy with Jai Edgar

Finlandia – Naturopath with David Duizer

Alliance Wellness – RMT massage with Adam Lockhart

We are about to get deep, so get ready to get serious, intense and raw.

I know we’ve all had something happen to us where we haven’t fully explained the whole story. We feel ashamed, scared and to be honest, don’t really want to remember. Maybe not everyone has had something happen that has been extremely intense or has fully affected their life afterwards, but I do know a good majority of us have had moments that we come to think about from time to time and wish they were only a dream.

With the #MeToo movement and people finally starting to feel okay to be open about being hurt, broken and not perfect, we are starting to see that this is a lot more common than we thought. I’ve continually held my feelings and memories in, only to ruin my relationships and hurt the people around me. They feel I am not letting them in or showing my true self, but those moments, those feelings… Those weren’t me, and never will be me.

Yes relationships are built on honesty and trust, but we sorry we do not wish to fully open up on some things that happened to us in the past. We hope that you can accept this from us and understand that we are not trying to hide anything from you, we are merely trying to not to pick at these old scars.

Please understand that we all deal with trauma in our own ways and we all have different levels of suffering, emotional scarring and ways of coping and you’ll never truly know our trauma.

We have a hard time deciding when we are ready to talk to you about our past and when we do, please don’t look at us like we are someone you don’t know or someone that has lied. The fact that we have been able to even talk about this amazing for us and very difficult to do. So please, take a moment, give us a hug and don’t rush us to explain everything just yet.

Our stories may be scary, they may be sad and they may even make you angry. Unfortunately with traumatic situations many of us feel very ashamed. Ashamed that we could have somehow prevented it. Ashamed that it has changed who we are. Ashamed that we have been affected so badly. And ashamed that we aren’t able to be fully open with you.

A good majority of our friends and family all don’t know our traumas, and to be fully honest, most don’t wish to ever tell them. We know things have a way with making people look at us differently, we have experienced or seen it first hand. We don’t want pity and we don’t want anyone upset or sad. We just want you to understand that we may need an ear if we decided to open up and if we tell you we experienced something traumatic, please just accept what information we decide to share.

Thank you for understanding us and thank you for listening.

This usually starts out with the typical question “Would you like to go for drinks sometime?”.

Depending on the conversation before, I will go one of two ways. Usually I’m upfront and honest and say “Sorry I decided to quit drinking a while back, but I’d love to meet up, a bar is totally fine with me” or the other way “Ya I’d definitely like that”.

You may wonder why one choose one over the other or why I feel I need to bring it up right away in the first place.

Firstly, dating now-a-days is sadly nothing like it used to be. A woman being “courted” isn’t your typical way anymore, and for many reasons. Mainly due to sexual equality, which I completely understand. But cause of this, the dating style in which we date has completely taken a turn of laziness. There is no drive to make that first date a special one, unless you have previously known the person and have some sort of history. When there is no pressure on one of the people to plan a date, lack of ambition happens and the easy go to’s seem to be a local pub or bar. Which if this laziness kicks in, I’ll go ahead and just say “ya, sure sounds good to me”.

Secondly, with women now being more sexually empowered and online dating taking a huge focus, casual relationships seem to be more the focus on what people are searching for. With the ability to reach more people in a bigger circle at a fast pace, people hold back from searching to get into serious relationships, because they feel that there could always be something better on the next swipe. I know I’m 100% guilty of feeling that, but believe me, the casual thing sober, not something I can do or want to do.

Thirdly, I have gone on dates where I didn’t mention my choice to not drink until after and they all lead into awkward, uncomfortable situations. One case, he clearly just wanted to get me drunk and raise his chances of getting some action. Another case, he got almost confrontational and upset that I chose not to tell him, decided to down 4 beer and then I got up and decided to walk on out of there. So after a few pretty shitty dates, I decided that being up front and honest right from the get go, was the best from then on out. It also helped me to going on dates with someone who was searching for a similar outcome and someone who respected and was open minded on my choices.

After all of this, you can see how combined with today’s way of dating and choosing not to drink, can make it a very difficult situation. I do find that being completely up front with them definitely weans out the assholes and guys who are just looking to hook up. I mean if that’s what you’re looking for, then by all means jump on it. But for me, that one time random tinder hook up, is gross, makes me feel worse the next day, and to be honest, extremely difficult to do without a few drinks.

So why not save us both the hassle, time and money and put our expectations right out in the open. I do notice, that now the guys I do match with and talk to, I definitely have more meaningful conversations right off the bat and really gets us both wanting to organize something fun and different than the typical bar or restaurant meet up.

Although so far my dating has been pretty lame and non-exsistant, I am looking forward to a fully clear first kiss, first hand hold, first hug and first everything. I’m really excited and happy to experience a relationship that I can fully take in all emotions, feelings and every memory. This journey has taken a long time for me get to this point, lots of counselling, understanding, forgiveness and true self love.

To my future next man, thank you for accepting my choices, flaws, quirks and understanding that I am only human.

The past few years I’ve had a real battle with finding that line between taking care of myself and helping others. We all know the saying “You have to take care of yourself before taking care of others” but how far is too far, and how much is not enough.

In a world of such difficult times and people feeling more alone than ever, we need to focus on reaching out and letting other know that we are here to help. I find it amazing that with this day and age, the world is so easily connected through social media and instant messaging, yet suicide rates are at an all time high. I believe part of this is that we are now, not only comparing our lives to our social circles, but now to the world of the un-realistic lifestyle. Everyone is so overly focused on what people outside their family and friends think and care, that they forget to look at the people right in front of them. Or better yet, look deep within at themselves.

But to what point is that boundary passed? What point do I change focus on reaching out to others or start focusing more on myself?

A few years ago I started a relationship that I never realized would teach me so much. This relationship taught me strength, communication, sacrifice and selflessness, which in turn truly taught me I need to love myself before loving someone else.

The week I moved in, we unfortunately found out news that he was sick and was undetermined just how long healing process would be. At that point I didn’t know how serious it was and to be honest, I really was not expecting everything that was to come. But when you love someone you try your hardest to show them that you are strong, capable and there for them at any moment.

Throughout the months things got worse, then better, then worse, then better, and so did our relationship. You try so hard to adjust your life, your mind and your energy and go back and forth beating yourself up because you struggle. You struggle yourself, to keep a smile on, to change everything around you at home to make them feel comfortable, while working at a job where all you do is put other peoples needs ahead of yourself. Eventually things start to get more difficult to do, you start to loose who you once were and you become extremely mad at yourself for suffering so hard when they are suffering themselves. You need to be the strong one, so suck it up and help them heal.

This vicious circle basically lasted the whole relationship from then on out. Sometimes I would go out and feel the need to “treat myself” because I deserved to a little me time. But then guilt kicks in, and so does anxiety. You now battle with feeling guilty having fun while the other is feeling horrible at home. Long story short, unfortunately the relationship ended. My anxiety being over the top crazy, turned into depression, from a constant battle with myself and not being good enough, not being strong enough and not being able to just put my needs aside and take care of him.

Since the end of the relationship, I have struggled with this battle of what is too much and what is not enough on both ends of these spectrums. That balance of taking care of yourself and making sure you are fully happy and well, before taking on the want to help someone else. Am I going to be able to ever give my all to someone else, without feeling like I loose who I am? What about if something happened to my mom or dad, will my anxiety kick right back in and will I instantly feel like I will fail, because I have before.

Now put love in the equation and shit just hits the fan.

I have always looked at love as, if you love someone you will give up everything you have to make them happy.
But what is giving up everything? Does that mean you change your whole daily routine, your dislikes to their likes, your preferences out the window? What happens when you don’t have much to give? What happens when you simply don’t have the time or resources?

Relationships are all about give and take and you truly need to be happy to be able to make that adjustment. Both people need to understand this and both people need to make sure that yes, you both would change the world for each other. But you both need to understand that you fell in love with that amazing person, and that amazing person needs self love.

To everyone reading this, don’t feel you need to change your world for someone you love. Know that your world, is what we fell in love with in the first place.

First off, I’d really like to point out how the word “Sober” has been looked at as such a negative and unfortunate thing. When someone says they are sober, we instantly feel that they are broken, have an addiction or cannot control themselves. When really being sober can just as easily be a choice, not because of these reasons, but simply because someone decides to just not have a drink.

Have you thought about how alcohol is considered a drug, and yet when someone says they do not want a drink, we instantly question their choice of why?

How come alcohol is the only drug that when you say no, you have to explain yourself. When someone offers you a cigarette or a joint and you say no, no questions are asked.

When someone says they quit smoking, we say “Congratulations and that’s awesome”. But when I decide to tell people I’ve quit drinking they say “Oh how come? Did you have an issue with drinking? Is everything okay?”.

This society has completely turned its view on alcohol as the norm and blame the person for their habits bit yet we dont blame the person for any other drug. Smokers blame the Nicotine, Coffee drinkers blame the Caffeine and drug addicts blame the drugs, but alcoholics and binge drinkers are blamed themselves. Shouldn’t we look at all of these the same?

How it all starts.

When you are 14 and going through a massive hormonal change, social acceptance and fighting to fit in, you come across alcohol. The way everyone connects on weekends and the “cool” kids shine, alcohol is used to help you gain confidence, prove you can be a part of the group and make everyone feel connected. From when you are young you use alcohol as your social crutch, not learning how to deal with these situations and emotions head on.

From highschool, it goes to college, a new city with new friends and new parties. You’ve never not gone out and not had a drink, so how do you know how to be in these social situations with an honest mind and true feelings. Some nights you don’t feel like going out but there is a huge social get together and you could win some popular merits, might as well have a few pre-game drinks with the girls, to get you into the mood.

This vicious cycle keeps going with dating, work and socializing. There are very rarely situations that aren’t surrounded by people needing to have a drink in their hand to connect with other people.

So what is a Sober Curious lifestyle?

Sober Curious a lifestyle where you choose not to drink alcohol for your own personal growth and health. You decide to take life head on and be in the moment, appreciate that awkwardness, and wake up feeling refreshed and good. You realize that those things you’ve been doing with alcohol, are always capable of doing sober. It doesn’t mean I’m not going to have a glass of wine from time to time at a nice dinner with friends or at a celebration. I’m not completely cutting myself off from a delicious Nappa Cab with my steak, but the moment has to be right and I have to feel good about the situation and why I am choosing to have that glass.

Definitely in the beginning I felt very awkward, and realized that social anxiety is a very real thing and I’ve had it this whole time. But I clearly was masking those emotions by an extra drink, to make me open up, be social and feel apart of the group. I realized that I’m definitely not the only one that didn’t know how to react or had the courage to be as social as I was before. Its a lot harder for me to casually start up a conversation with a stranger at the bar or event, but I’m learning and growing. I’m happy feeling these uncomfortable moments and understand that I may need to sneak out earlier once the party gets to “wild”.

The conversation…

The hardest part for me was the conversation and awkwardness with friendships I had that were based solely on drinking. When I decided to start this path and opened up to other about it, I sadly had a lot of friends stop talking to me or reaching out to hang out, surprisngly a lot of those were friends I never thought would push me away. This derived from them not knowing how to be around me or making them questions their own choices and purely lack of education on the situation. Even my family hasn’t reached out or tried to openly talk to me about how I feel about my journey or why or how I decided to start. It’s definitely made me realize I need to dig deep down and really do this on my own.

But I’m still Nastassia, I’m still the outgoing, no filtered short chick who would do anything for her friends. But now, I just need to really be in the mood to go out and socialize or really don’t feel like sitting at that dark dingy, stinky ass bar watching everyone drowning themselves with shot after shot and doing embarrassing things that they apologize about the next day.

I found it funny when I went out with old friends I haven’t seen in a while and the first thing most of them said to me was “how are you doing? Is everything okay?”. To be honest it really shocked me, it really made me realize just how much alcohol is apart of peoples lives. In my eyes, they’re the ones I should be asking that question to, they’re the ones going to the same place almost every night, waking up the next morning feeling like shit and questioning what happened the night before and how they got that drunk.

From this choice to not have a drink, I have learnt so much about myself, how I am with people and how much my life needs balance and happiness, and that I will never find with alcohol. We have all been there and have all talked about “cutting back”, its time to make it easier. Easier in the every day social world, easier at work functions or in certain industries, and easier around friends and family.

With many restaurants continuing to open up and compete in the now difficult hospitality industry, you think the job environment and staff moral would be at its all time best. With chefs now being looked at as celebrity status and a sommelier being depicted as one of the most difficult jobs anyone could take on, you think restaurants would strive to take focus on the well being, mental health and work life balance of their employees. When in reality, the pressure and expectations of employees, is at an all time high and no support is given to balance this out.

With all this focus on making every guest as happy and fulfilled as they can be, you think these restaurants would make sure their staff would be in the best position they can be to evoke their wished culture. Unfortunately, myself and many other servers, bartenders, and kitchen staff, know that this is definitely not the case. If you read my previous blog, you read the stress every server has. With your personal needs being put not even on the back burner, left at home.

These scare tactics I mentioned in the title, if you haven’t worked in the industry, I’d be very hard for you to understand where that came from. But for everyone who has, I probably don’t need to explain more. I have worked at almost every style of restaurant to any style of nightclub and have had that exact line told to me at every single establishment. .

These management know how much you make, as most of them illegally are given a percent of these tips that you have worked your ass off for (That’s a whole other blog on its own, definitely soon to come). And with them knowing your possible daily earning from tips, they use this as leverage to make you work long hours without any breaks, agree to their illegal employee standards and force you to choose work over your mental and physical well being.

“If you don’t like the way we do things here, then go, we can find many other servers that would love to be in your positions”

This line I heard, sadly way to much. Ironically at our Pre-Shift’s before a service. How this is supposed to raise moral and get you proud to be working for their company, is beyond me.

The fine dining restaurant industry is one of the toughest and most cut throat industries out there and you can make some pretty damn good money if your good at what you do. Management knows this, and they continually remind each server of this, daily. If they focused on the Work Life Balance, supporting their staff, and understanding that their needs are just as important as each customer, than they would have employees who would want to work their asses off even more and be less likely to do things that might affect the company.

If you are to feel sick and want to go home or try to call in for the night off, it is your responsibility to be able to find another person to cover you own shift and if you cannot, you are threatened to be let go or sometimes even be cut of shifts. This is highly illegal and widely done at almost every restaurant I know. This is caused by a very amusing circle of, can’t find good staff, hiring the bare needed employees and putting all the pressure on the servers themselves, yet saying that they are easily replaceable.

Very rarely would you hear from your restaurant managers or directors, saying “Thank You”or “Great job tonight”, when you worked your ass off and helped that night run as smoothly as it did. But yet, that one table that you completely forgot to pick up their second course, you hear about for the next following week.

No wonder why servers turn to drinking and drugs. It’s a very hard position to put yourself in day in day out. The money is great and you get to meet so many amazing people, but management treat you like shit, turning everyone into the most competitive versions of themselves, all to make the restaurant more money, which in turn gets them that bonus. Your boss turns almost into that asshole father figure who you strive to prove that you are the best server he has, so you get the best tables and shifts.

All of this would be simply fixed if Canada was to adjust server wages and the tipping policies were to be changed. Money, in the end is the heart of hunger and what causes these servers to put themselves in these positions. If the pressure was taken off of each table to leave an allocated tip, that in turn would benefit everyone, including the guests. That work environment would increase more positivity, less competition and more support for staff to be treated properly and legally just right.

While I was still in the industry, you’d never hear me say those words. Because yes, I too was money hungry and I too put my own needs behind me to make that extra cash and I too was scared to stand up for what I deserved. If I was to ask for my legal wage, proper pay and allocated break time, I’d be laughed at and told to go somewhere else, with no reference to get me into another job and the small restaurant industry would talk, making it hard to find any work.

But once I realized that my mental health and my needs are the most important things I can do to make me truly happy, then that money focus shifted and I realized that holy shit, no one ever really gave a shit about how I was feeling at work and I was strictly looked at as someone they could use and abuse to get everything done.

Restaurants owners need to take a step back and look at the true picture. Your staff make you money, not the customers. Without your amazing employees, your guests would never be back to enjoy that awesome service and amazing food. If you treat your employees with respect, pay them what they legally deserve, overtime and all, and make sure their needs are met, then they’ll run a mile for you and back, with their eyes closed. Its time to make a change and its time fix this horribly ran industry.

A typical night in the fine dining industry…

You show up 30 minutes before you get paid to get your uniform on perfectly, write down your features and read the 86’s and new additions. Peak around the corner to your section to hopefully see that no tables are already sat and ordered. You then are expected to speed walk for a full 8 hours straight with maybe two bathroom breaks if your lucky, continually planning your actions 5 steps ahead while smiling and stopping saying “oh no after you” meanwhile deep down your wanting to climb over everyone to move as fast as you can.

Let’s not forget about the emotional aspect. A good server can adjust their emotions, stature and style within seconds from jumping in-between tables. Table 8 is a couple celebrating their 10 year anniversary, they expect you to put all focus on them and fully explain the whole menu while not caring that you haven’t had a sip of water in 4 hours, you also have 3 other tables that are in a hurry to go to the concert, one of which is a table of 7 ladies with separate bills who are sharing bits and parts from seat 3 and 4 while seat 5’s bill is going to be divided by the rest. Now back to the emotional adjusting from table to table. The couple, you’ll talk to slowly, look at the girl a lot and be the “professional” style server, then the table to the right who is a table of 3 guys, wants you to flirt and tell them what they should order. Next table, a group of 4 who barely speak English and don’t know how to look up from their phones or actually eat the food they order.

Being able to adapt and change your persona and emotions that fast and that many times in a night, is extremely hard on your mental health. Your body doesn’t know what emotions end up being real and what ones are fake. By the end of the night you don’t even know what kind of mood you are in, all you know is that you want a fucking drink.

Now lets talk about the blame game. Your drink or wine is taking some time and the guests are impatient, as a server this is the worst. This gets your guests anxious, more hangry and sets the pace of the night.The drink that shows up is wrong or wine is corked, now don’t even get me started. You’ve been told that you need to flip tables or get orders in ASAP because the kitchen is about to get slammed, so you sneak in your time to shine and talk about the menu, ask the guests questions about themselves and try to do a few little special touches to distract them from time. Hopefully once you’re done your spiel drinks arrive and you can go check on your other tables.

Manager comes up to you and asks why orders aren’t in, doesn’t know you tried chasing down a sommelier for 5 minutes to try to find the wine you rang in 10 minutes ago. While talking to your manager you see your mains for your 4 top is on the pass and the food runner is about to run the while, all while your table is still taking lovely photos of their appies. A little Houdini action and you maneuver plates, reset cutlery and stash their dirty stuff on the server station near by.

Food shows up, one of the dishes is over cooked and you have to do ground control. Managers are too busy to go talk to the table so its all on you to smooth things over. While you’re smooth talking and trying deflate the situation, you see your table of 7 is being so nice and waiving at you to come take their separate payments, a new table sat down who are a group of very powerful business men who expect you to eloquently kiss their feet and remind them how “special” they are.

The nights go on and on like that, right up until you get that much enjoyable sound of the printer printing out your cash out.

With a restaurant that has over 10 servers, you can see how the drinking after work can easily happen. Even during a great night, there are always moments of high stress and intense quick reaction to spontaneous situations. I like to think of it as a “Choose your own adventure” book with someone else flipping the pages for you.

Once in the back doing your cash out, if you don’t already have a glass of wine in your hand you can smell one not far away. “Holy shit that night was a gong show”. I’ve heard that way to many times, to the point that I’d say at least 1/3 of the servers each night will say it at one point, good or bad.

While cashing out, the servers sit together and bitch and complain about how long the food took, how horrible their guests were, how the hostess’ slammed their section all at the same time. Its the common way to try to vent, try to confirm that the stress wasn’t your fault, and to finally put some of your needs first.With a few of the servers in the Server High, of a good night and smooth service, which always brings competition, jealousy and reminders that you do have a good night occasionally.

This banter and talk, easily transitions to someone saying “lets go for a drink”. Which in server talk, is never just one. Jameo’s show up and then the wine switches to highballs. No one has to work till 5pm tomorrow, so sleeping in hung-over is fine, you’ll be good by the time you have to work again.

This cycle is vicious and way to sad that its true. With the combination of the extremely high stress environment and lack of morning obligations, why feel the need to adjust it. After all, you deserve to go out after working so hard and that’s your only time to socialize.

Instagram influencers, op-ed write-ups, blogs, memes, and tweets are suddenly pointing out that if someone turns down a drink, there’s no reason to make a big deal out of it and the person owes you no explanation.

How The Sober Curious Movement Is Making It Easier To Say “No Thanks” — Thought Catalog

I’m finding it difficult to figure out where to even start. Do I work my way from present time and then go back, do I start off from my childhood and slowly get to the breaking points, or do I succumb to my scatter brain and write separate blogs on individual thoughts?

I tried to lay out a mind map and break it into different timelines and topics, but lets be honest, my brain isn’t very organized and I’m pretty all over the place when it comes to ideas (hmm maybe I should google search what to make for dinner) ahh shit. Well that answers my question, looks like this blog is going to be all over the place, spastic and random. Depending on my mood, my life at the moment and my many different physician appointments, I’ll be stressing, contemplating and going into deep thoughts about my life today and in the past.

I’ll try to break these up nice and small, cause I know we all have shit to do and I know we all are very easily side tracked. I’m not going to be right all the time and I’m DEFINITELY going to cause some backlash and disapproval, but fuck it, that’s the best part.

I hope you enjoy my rants, thoughts and stories and really do think about why and how we are the way we are. I hope these cause you to think about how you act around those of us that decided not to drink, and I hope those of you who are on the same path feel not alone and understand that all of this is super foreign and awkward as fuck for me too.