” I Would Love To Take You For A Drink” — The Ways of Dating Sober

This usually starts out with the typical question “Would you like to go for drinks sometime?”.

Depending on the conversation before, I will go one of two ways. Usually I’m upfront and honest and say “Sorry I decided to quit drinking a while back, but I’d love to meet up, a bar is totally fine with me” or the other way “Ya I’d definitely like that”.

You may wonder why one choose one over the other or why I feel I need to bring it up right away in the first place.

Firstly, dating now-a-days is sadly nothing like it used to be. A woman being “courted” isn’t your typical way anymore, and for many reasons. Mainly due to sexual equality, which I completely understand. But cause of this, the dating style in which we date has completely taken a turn of laziness. There is no drive to make that first date a special one, unless you have previously known the person and have some sort of history. When there is no pressure on one of the people to plan a date, lack of ambition happens and the easy go to’s seem to be a local pub or bar. Which if this laziness kicks in, I’ll go ahead and just say “ya, sure sounds good to me”.

Secondly, with women now being more sexually empowered and online dating taking a huge focus, casual relationships seem to be more the focus on what people are searching for. With the ability to reach more people in a bigger circle at a fast pace, people hold back from searching to get into serious relationships, because they feel that there could always be something better on the next swipe. I know I’m 100% guilty of feeling that, but believe me, the casual thing sober, not something I can do or want to do.

Thirdly, I have gone on dates where I didn’t mention my choice to not drink until after and they all lead into awkward, uncomfortable situations. One case, he clearly just wanted to get me drunk and raise his chances of getting some action. Another case, he got almost confrontational and upset that I chose not to tell him, decided to down 4 beer and then I got up and decided to walk on out of there. So after a few pretty shitty dates, I decided that being up front and honest right from the get go, was the best from then on out. It also helped me to going on dates with someone who was searching for a similar outcome and someone who respected and was open minded on my choices.

After all of this, you can see how combined with today’s way of dating and choosing not to drink, can make it a very difficult situation. I do find that being completely up front with them definitely weans out the assholes and guys who are just looking to hook up. I mean if that’s what you’re looking for, then by all means jump on it. But for me, that one time random tinder hook up, is gross, makes me feel worse the next day, and to be honest, extremely difficult to do without a few drinks.

So why not save us both the hassle, time and money and put our expectations right out in the open. I do notice, that now the guys I do match with and talk to, I definitely have more meaningful conversations right off the bat and really gets us both wanting to organize something fun and different than the typical bar or restaurant meet up.

Although so far my dating has been pretty lame and non-exsistant, I am looking forward to a fully clear first kiss, first hand hold, first hug and first everything. I’m really excited and happy to experience a relationship that I can fully take in all emotions, feelings and every memory. This journey has taken a long time for me get to this point, lots of counselling, understanding, forgiveness and true self love.

To my future next man, thank you for accepting my choices, flaws, quirks and understanding that I am only human.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. David Tenborg says:

    really like your point of view,
    Alcohol has been a crutch for me my whole life.i still do it .I certainly respect those who don’t.Id set it down if I had the strength for sure.i recently had a great experience end poorly cuz I was into the booze.In fact it helped dismantled my only meaningful relationship in years..i gotta get a grip man
    Kind regards David


    1. Nastassia says:

      Thank you David!! Acknowleding you need to make a change is the first step. Now to do the hardest work.
      I decided when I wanted to make the adjustment to force myself to listen to podcasts. I really didnt want to focus on the “sobriety” ones, because that wasn’t how I viewed my struggles. Sober Curious with Ruth Warrington, are some amazing podcasts that really help you realise alochol and todays society.
      From that I was able to kind of retrain my way of thinking revolving alcohol and it become pretty easy after that.


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